So many of us are good at looking after other people - our children, our partners, our parents even our pet, but often we don’t employ those same skills to care for ourselves. All too often we offer excuses; ’I am too busy at the moment,’ or ‘I have too much on right now’ but taking care of yourself is in actual fact more important than taking care of others. Taking care of you ensures you can take better care of others.
Self-care of you doesn’t just mean taking a bath or painting your nails every now and then. Whilst those things are lovely and enjoyable, self-care is much more basic than that, investing time and effort in looking after you.
Self-care: The practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.
In fact making self-care a habit, rather than a treat, enables us to avoid or minimise stress in the first place.
Even though we know we should exercise to stay fit, eat more fruit and veg to stay healthy, sometimes we ignore them, and prioritise other things. Why? Because we become stressed about reaching deadlines, and impatient to achieve our goals. These seem more time sensitive and we believe our mind and bodies are in good shape now. So it will keep.
Unfortunately then as we drop things off the self-care list, and maybe we eat lazily or forget to be active, we can then feel like we have less energy and the task of self-care seems harder to achieve (it’s easier to open a bag of crisps than to chop up a carrot after all). However, the spiral continues, as the self-care drops further off the radar, the ability to focus and get things done becomes less efficient too - jobs take longer to complete as thinking becomes ‘foggy’. Then we need to look after the kids, invest time and effort into doing things for other people and this is when we might procrastinate about the self-care we would prefer to be doing…
Sound vaguely familiar?
I know I am guilty of this. I have a mental ‘to do’ list and at the bottom of it is, ‘go for a run,’ or, ‘go for a cycle,’ both things I love to do, but somehow they get dropped down that to-do list very quickly, unless I am in a good self-care routine. It’s not hard work, but smart work that gives us results. One hour of focused work gives us much more than 3-4 hours of ‘foggy’ or distracted work.
What do we need to stay productive? Self-care of course!
Self-care can include SO many different things, but I list here a few - and would be interested in your ideas to add to my list too. Some of these I do more regularly than others, some I need real motivation to sustain, others (like reading a good book), I could do for hours on end with little encouragement!
Self-care for beginners check-list:
- Be active - this could be going for a run, cycle or just simply for a walk. A 30 minute walk can burn 150 calories…even a 10 minute daily walk can reduce anxiety and stress. Being active allows you to think creatively - I call it doing my ‘life laundry’ and it is amazing how much of this I can ‘get done’ in an hour!
- Eat healthily - ‘you are what you eat.’ Nutrients from the food you eat provide the foundation of the structure, function and integrity of every cell in our bodies - from our skin and hair to muscles bones and digestive systems. What we eat and drink isn’t just about physical health or weight - it affects your emotional and psychological wellbeing too. A healthy diet can make you feel more alert and less anxious.
- Be kind to yourself - stop putting yourself down! Are you stuck in a trap of being over critical of yourself? Are you as critical of others, or do you tend to spot their strengths more often? Be sure to notice what is going well and the role you have played in that.
- Read daily - this is the one I find easier, though I can struggle to ‘manage’ the quantity of this, which I must keep in check too! Reading fiction is known to improve your mental health* allowing us to ‘switch off’ from the real world just for a short while and ‘dip our toes’ into someone else’s world. Reading is also the doorway to new learning. It can increase self-esteem and reduce the symptoms of depressions, help us to build relationships with others and reduce stress and anxiety and
- Unplug from technology for an hour. With connectivity being predominantly electronic now (social media, texts and emails), we spend less and less time interacting verbally with each other. In a busy house this can mean we don’t fully ‘unplug’ and our attention can be divided or withdrawn from the ‘present’. Unplugging for an hour each day - at the same time for all in the family if possible - is a good way to ensure you remain present and in the moment, which is how we invest in relationships, a key area of self-care.
- Invest in relationships - make phone calls, visit people, eat together and talk. The reciprocity of conversation is important within self-care and it allows us to develop those relationships that are a life-line when we may be feeling low. Supporting each other, listening and being honest is vital.
- Practice gratitude - take time to notice and reflect upon the things that you are thankful for. People who regularly practice gratitude experience more positive emotions, feel more alive…express more compassion and kindness and even have stronger immune systems.***
No one is suggesting you do all of this today or all at once. But choosing from the ‘menu’ and working on developing these into habits or routines over time will have a positive impact upon you, your well-being and in turn your ability to be there for others (as that was our starting point).
So, on that note: the sun is shining, the kids are busy and I am off for a run! What will you be doing?
*Radio 4 - Reading and Mental Health
**Radio 4 - How bad is social media for my mental health?
***Happify: https://www.happify.com/hd/the-science-behind-gratitude/
