So what is self-esteem?
Self esteem means feeling good about yourself - and when we feel good about ourselves, we tend to be able to deal with life better. Self esteem can be thought of as a number of composite factors, all influencing how you feel about yourself:
· Self confidence
· Identify
· Feeling of belonging
· Feeling of competence.
Reading that list now, is it a surprise that we struggle from time to time?
A new job, a relocation, starting a new school or perhaps the children growing up and a role change. All of these things can, and do, impact upon our self-esteem, and left unchecked, this can limit us in what we aspire to, and what we achieve, all because of how we feelabout ourselves.
Brain scan studies demonstrate that when our self-esteem is higher, we are likely to experience emotional wounds such as failure or rejection as less painful, bouncing back from them more quickly. Hormones take a role in this too - when our self-esteem is higher, we release less cortisol (a stress hormone) into our bloodstream when under stress, and it is less likely to linger.
So - what can we do to help ourselves?
The first step is to recognise that your self-esteem has taken a knock, or better still, to plan for it ahead of an approaching change, like a new job, school move or the like.
Identify your competencies and develop them: self esteem is built by demonstrating ability and achievement, so if you have a skill, use it, develop it and celebrate it! If you are a runner, book an event, train and get that medal. If you are a good cook, invite people to dinner and bask in the compliments that people pay (it’s important to be able to acknowledge and accept a compliment too…). If you understand what your ‘core competencies’ are you can develop these and the positive experiences built around these will help build/rebuild your self-esteem.
Learn to accept compliments: when our self-esteem is low, it can be easy to fall into a habit of knocking back compliments, possibly with a self-depreciating comment, because they can make you feel uncomfortable. Develop a few ‘stock’ responses to accept the compliment, ‘thank you,’ is a great place to start. Over time, and with practice, this reflex to deny or rebuff compliments will fade, and this will be an indicator of your self-esteem strengthening.
Harness self-criticism and develop self-compassion: we all have that internal chatter, and often, when our self-esteem has taken a knock, it can somehow turn the volume up on this unhelpful internal dialogue. Again, the key here is to recognise it, and to ‘give yourself a talking to’! Think what you would say to a friend who might be saying these things about themselves to you…what would you say to them to help them through the tough patches? Administer some of that to yourself. Getting into a habit of positive self-talk can be a real game-changer in building and maintaining your self-esteem.
Use positive affirmations…gently: what do your friends and loved ones like about you? Sometimes it can be fun to ask them - I tried this recently with my family, I sent each of them a text (teenagers find it easier to open up when not in a face to face situation and my teenager needed to hear the affirmations) telling them what I love, enjoy and celebrate about them, and asked them to do the same for everyone in the house, including me! The responses can be surprising (in a good way!), but most of them you will already know, and it is good to be able to recognise these traits in ourselves. Remember that with positive affirmations we need to be realistic if they are to build our self-esteem. For instance, telling yourself ‘I am a great runner’ when you are on week 2 of the couch to 5k running plan may not be as impactful as saying, ‘I am someone who can stick with a plan, even when I am finding it hard.
Set mini goals (and stick to them): this may be in something you can already do, or it might be part of developing a new skill. I have recently had a piano and would dearly love to be able to play it well…I am not YET able to, but I am committed to sitting at it and playing for at least 10 minutes a day. When I can play a tune I take the headphones out (the bonus of a digital piano!!!) and members of the family can hear the piece. I love it when someone starts singing along, or pokes their head around the door with a smile and a compliment - which of course I accept gracefully, without rebuffing it! Setting mini goals can help make a mountainous task more achievable (and fun) - and can be applied to any situation.
How can hypnotherapy help me?
The good news is that we can change this, we can improve self-esteem, and although doing so involves investing time and energy in developing and maintaining healthier emotional habits, the benefits are most definitely worth it both emotionally and physiologically. Hypnotherapy can help too - the relaxed state you enter into during hypnotherapy can be described as having a ‘power-nap’, during this time a hypnotherapist can support you to reprogram limiting beliefs about yourself and improve your self esteem.
Maybe you feel like low-self esteem holds you back from creating the life you wish for?
Contact me for a free initial consultation and find out more about how Solution Focused Hypnotherapy can help you build your self-esteem and confidence and help you find your way to a happier self.
