Feeling discouraged? Feelings of overwhelm that come in waves? You aren't alone! All of us struggle with these feelings at times. Feelings of overwhelm and discouragement are particularly common at times of uncertainty in our lives, perhaps when there is a problem whose solution is not immediately obvious or achievable. Frustratingly, these feelings of overwhelm can leave us with racing minds, sleeplessness and fear about 'bad' outcomes and can result in us not taking appropriate action to improve things for ourselves.
It is important to manage these feelings, acknowledge them and deal with the underlying issues - and this fabulous info-graphic begins to help us see how.
So why do I like this graphic so much? It resonates. Deeply.
Yesterday I was talking things through with someone. When she summarised what she was hearing, she described me as a ‘capable woman,’ which I took as the complement it was intended as. What she was referring to was the fact that I, like many others, have had to step up to the plate and take on responsibility beyond that which I might have had to. Make decisions at times of heightened stress and emotion and manage the feelings of overwhelm and discouragement throughout that process in order to keep on keeping on. Those decisions were good ones - after all, I am doing what I love, and I am writing this blog aren’t I?
Many of us have a tendency to over-think (which can be both a blessing and a curse!), I definitely fall into this category, decisions are always made in order that I can ‘sit comfortably’ with them, this graphic highlights exactly the strategies I put into place to get through some tricky times, including being made redundant from a job I loved.
Working with clients to help them implement changes in their lives, these are also the strategies that they identify with using too. Together we use 7 steps to help manage the process, manage feelings and achieve their goal. These are the same steps I used myself, and share here how I used it to manage the post-redundancy news.
7 steps that can change your life
1. Identify the problem
In this case being made redundant.
2. Ask - is this is in my control? Can I change this?
Could I change being made redundant - no, it was beyond my control.
3. Acknowledge and process feelings - how does this make me feel?
For me, when redundancy was confirmed, I felt unvalued, devastated. I worried about income and was left feeling insecure, not really knowing what I should next. I cried. I cried because I was sad, uncertain and, yes, frightened, but I cried only at home, no one outside of this house saw that emotion.
4. Planning stage 1: The immediate future - Is there anything I can do now, that will help me?
I became acutely aware of how I behaved, and consciously behaved well (I think I did anyway!! I hope that the people around me at the time thought I did too…) particularly around people that were indirectly affected by the decisions. I was professional and it was of huge importance to me to continue to work to the best of my ability maintaining my professionalism and integrity. I felt that what people thought of me in this instance would influence their decision making in the future, so managing my feelings in the workplace was of utmost importance.
5. Planning stage 2: Mid term/long term future - what am I going to do (about it)?
I thought. A lot. Often after a run, when I was in a good ‘headspace’ to do this - emotional thinking is not the best way to plan a future. I thought about my family, their changing and differing needs of me, my need to earn to support these. I thought about possibilities of private work, the bits of my job I valued and most enjoyed and the potential market for those skills. I thought about my life, what it had thrown at me/us - which of course, at times, brought more tears and frustration - and this simply highlighted a time for a break. With the thinking came talking - my poor husband (and other friends and family, but he got the brunt of it all!) listened, asked questions and gradually I was able to see possibilities. Ideas began to form and i was ready for the next stage!
6. Planning stage 3: How am I going to make it happen? Identify small steps to making things happen - and take action.
For me I was knowledge poor - how do I work for myself? I needed to retrain and gain specific qualifications and experience. I knew little about marketing and money management (still a work in progress!). Slowly, a list emerged. Now, I love a list, so naturally, the first two things on the list were already ‘done’, which meant that the list was already ‘underway’, with jobs ticked off. The mere existence of 'The List' meant I was able to frame the mountainous challenge into a multi-pitch-big-day-out (back to my climbing days there for a moment!). What had felt impossible was no longer so, there were pathways identified, tasks listed and things to be done that would help me achieve the goal. Simply by identifying the goal, a plan emerged.
7. GET OUT THERE AND DO IT!!!!!
Throughout this process, there have been times when things have felt overwhelming, at these times I go back to the seven steps and have broken things down even further. This is the same with clients, going back to the plan, identifying how you are feeling and what is the cause of that can really help in prioritising the next steps in the plan.
Sticking to this solution focused approach enabled me to ‘keep calm and carry on,’ through a really challenging period in our lives (all our lives for so many different reasons), enabling me to have control over the direction my life was taking. Having identified an end result/goal/solution I felt empowered to get up and get on with it. Clients have expressed similar feelings too.
Solution Focused Hypnotherapy is not about talking about problems
I promise I will listen, of course, but Solution Focused Hypnotherapy it is about identifying a preferred future. By focusing on that, then the temptation of 'sitting' in the problem is reduced. Identifying the goal, the steps and processes to get there and tackling them in a reasoned way is empowering.
Hypnotherapy can help you identify those required small steps to change, whilst also help to manage the anxiety and stress that can walk hand in hand at these challenging times in our lives. Solution focused hypnotherapy can help you rethink how you respond to difficult or challenging situations (such as a change in circumstance, job or relationship) and enable you have better/different outcomes (whatever they may be). For me this approach enabled me to change how I looked to the future - with interest and, dare I say, excitement, as opposed to focusing on the fear and uncertainty (which had resulted in sleep difficulties for me at the start).
Everyone can change.
Sometimes we can manage these changes on our own, and if these seven steps can help you make that change, then I am delighted and would love to hear your story!
At other times we need support in thinking them through in a reasoned and calm way, learning to manage the stress and anxiety that is natural at these times. If you are wanting to make a positive change in your life, and want some support to do so, by all means use the 7 steps above, or contact me for a chat to see how Solution Focused Hypnotherapy can help you achieve your positive change, for life.
Where do you want to be in 5 years time...go on, think...plan...do! Good luck and enjoy the ride!
